Drowning
by VivaJayne
Summary: Kristoff deals with the aftermath of seeing the love of his life almost taken from him.


**Hello everyone and welcome to my first Frozen fic! This is just a quick, rambling inner monologue as Kristoff deals with the aftermath of almost losing Anna.**

Drowning

_Dark. Light. Dark. Light._

_Images shot across his consciousness like tiny windows._

_Colour. Black. Colour. Black._

_Too quick to see. Flashes of brightness followed by shadow._

_Hot. Cold. Cold. Cold…_

_Anna!_

Kristoff jolted awake, luxurious woolen blankets pooling around his waist as he sat bolt upright. His chest was heaving, sweat clinging to his pale skin, his breath coming in short bursts… he'd had the nightmare again.

It'd been constant since the fateful day Anna and Elsa had reunited, the day that the kingdom finally accepted their Ice Queen, the day that Anna had saved her sister's life and nearly lost hers in the process.

While everything was bright and happy in the daylight, at night Kristoff fell victim to his thoughts. He'd been devastated when Anna froze in front of him- devastated wasn't even a strong enough word. She'd been right there, within reach, and he hadn't saved her. He couldn't have saved her.

The clock on the far side of the room told him it was nearly three in the morning, far too early for him to be up. It didn't matter, he was awake now and no amount of convincing would get him to close his eyes once again.

He was staying in his own room in the palace. Elsa wasn't entirely comfortable with him and Anna sharing a room just yet, although she didn't forbid them from doing so. Out of respect, he and Anna decided to sleep separately until Elsa adjusted.

Now he paced the royal carpet in his bare feet, trying to calm his pounding heart. Anna had become his entire world almost overnight; the thought of losing her scared the hell out of him. And that damn nightmare… it just reminded him of how easily she could slip through his fingers.

Sven. Maybe he needed to go spend some time with Sven.

The reindeer was rarely allowed in the bedrooms. That was probably for the better, honestly. He wasn't exactly minty fresh. Kristoff wasn't either on most days, but he had an easier time fitting into a bathtub than Sven.

The castle was quiet as he slipped out of his room. To go from barns and small cabins deep in the mountains to the luxurious halls of Arendelle's royal family was a bit of a shock. Kristoff had a hard time falling asleep at first; it was too large, too open, he felt almost exposed. He was better adapted now, but that didn't scare away his night terrors.

His door creaked behind him as Kristoff elbowed it shut. It clicked into place just as he realised he'd forgotten to put on a shirt- not that it should matter, who else would be awake at three in the morning?

The halls around him were dark. His footsteps echoed as Kristoff padded down the rug towards the stairs. The kitchen was on the way to the stables, maybe he should stop in a grab a snack, if he thought his stomach could handle it. Anything to calm him would be welcome.

The nightmares were… a problem. He hadn't told Anna about them, not wanting to worry her or make her think about that day. Kristoff was a big boy, he didn't need to vent. Besides, he had Sven. If that silly reindeer was good at anything, it was listening.

The castle at night always reminded Kristoff of a cave. During the day he could spot servants milling about, guests coming and going, and of course the sisters' excitable chatter filled the air. At night though, it all changed. The walls were cold and empty, and he could never tell when hallways and rooms ended.

Kristoff slipped into the kitchen, finally feeling safe enough to turn on a light. There was a lantern next to the door for anyone's use, and its soft glow cast enough warmth to ease the tension from his shoulders. He was pretty sure he'd seen the chef taking some buns out of the oven earlier… if he could find one of those, he'd be set.

For such a large castle, Arendelle's royal kitchen was surprisingly small. Kristoff supposed it was due to the isolation they'd lived in for so long, but he'd never gathered enough courage to ask. There was a large brick oven right in the centre of the room, with an array of shelves stacked around it. This is where Kristoff headed now, following his nose.

It was hard to shake the mentality he'd grown up with, one of stuffing his face whenever he could, taking whatever food he could when he didn't know where his next meal was coming from. Anna tried her best to reassure him, but that old fear nibbled away at the back of his mind whenever he didn't know exactly where the nearest piece of food was.

Ah, Anna.

Kristoff smiled as he finally found the stack of buns he'd been looking for. These were sure to be delicious, which he quickly confirmed, but Anna's were better. She may not be the most graceful of women, but she knew her way around a loaf of bread.

Kristoff picked away at the buttery crust, leaning on the counter. He was happy, he realised, truly happy. He hadn't been expecting that when he came here, not by a long shot.

They'd been worried at first, he and Anna. Worried about how they would make things work. Kristoff was not a city boy- he hated people and enclosed spaces. He was born to be in the wild, and Anna… she was a princess. She was needed here in Arendelle, and she couldn't very well abandon Elsa. Kristoff had no doubt she would love living in the woods with him, once she got used to it, but he also knew that it could never be. The solution then was for him to try living things her way.

A floorboard creaked from somewhere on the storey above him, but Kristoff paid it no mind. It was probably just a maid.

It hadn't taken him as long as he thought it would to get used to living in town. He wasn't exactly a city-dweller yet, but he was more comfortable than he ever thought he'd be. It was a huge relief, knowing that his stubbornness wouldn't get in the way of his relationship with Anna.

And yet there were still so many things that could.

Kristoff frowned, chewing thoughtfully. He spent far too much time in his head lately, but he couldn't help it. Anna was his first love, and he didn't know how to handle himself. Kristoff only ever had to worry about taking care of himself and Sven, and he did a pretty good job of that, so when he met and fell for Anna it was like a primal fear had taken hold of his heart. He wanted to keep her safe, take care of her, protect her, but Anna didn't belong to him. She was her own person, and he couldn't very well boss her around. He didn't want to. He loved her wild spirit and he wouldn't change it for the world.

But that meant that he worried. Constantly.

Anna made fun of him for it, of course. She was so carefree about everything; even after she'd almost died, nothing could bring her down.

So, Kristoff worried for her, producing the nightmares that kept him up at night.

He hadn't told her about them. She would only worry about him, and one of them consumed with fear was more than enough. No, Kristoff wouldn't tell her about his nightmares, not for a while anyway. Maybe after he had them under control, or maybe-

"Kristoff?"

He whirled, nearly dropping the bite of bun he had left. It was still early, so he hadn't been expecting anyone else up, least of all Anna.

She was hovering in the door, wrapped tightly in a wool blanket. Her hair was messy, her eyes heavy, and her freckles in sharp contrast to her fair skin. Kristoff couldn't stop his smile; she was just too cute.

"What are you doing down here?" Anna mumbled, shuffling into the light. Her slippers dragged on the floor, leaving little scuffs in the rug. Kristoff held up the remainder of the bread in his hand.

"Snack," he answered simply, popping the bite into his mouth. Anna nodded sagely, like that was the only acceptable answer, which he suspected it probably was. Anna valued her sleep more than anything else in the world.

"Ok," Anna shrugged, making her way over to him. Before Kristoff could ask what she was doing, Anna all but collapsed against him. Kristoff stumbled, catching her in his arms as she snuggled into his chest.

"Anna?" he laughed, keeping her upright. She pulled her blanket tighter around her shoulders, bunching it beneath her chin as her eyes slipped shut.

"I was hungry too," she yawned, her limbs going slack. "But it was such a long walk downstairs. I'm just tired now."

Kristoff chuckled as her light snores filled the kitchen. Anna could sleep nearly anywhere, and it never ceased to amaze him. Without much thought, he adjusted her in his arms and settled in to let her snooze. He'd bring her up to her room in a little while if she didn't wake, but for now he was perfectly fine right where he was.

Looking down at Anna's peaceful face, Kristoff began to wonder if maybe they should talk to Elsa after all. He always felt warm when Anna was around, nothing like the deep cold he felt when he woke up from a bad dream. If they shared a room, maybe that would be just the cure he needed.

He couldn't save her then, but maybe she could save him now.

**The end.**


End file.
